India: Recurring Characters

Dog-boy: "I can lick me bum!"


Stupid, Stupid Goat: close set eyes, no definable chin, and an exaggerated gap from nose to eyeline makes Goat look dumber than most animals, and in fact he will spend all day with his nose half an inch from the wall he's staring at, or straining at his leash trying to eat a rock.


Annoying Kid: "Hello! Excuse me! One Rupee! Pen Please! Hello! Photo? Dollar? Photo? Hello! Excuse me! What is you name? Dollar? Photo? Hello!"

Rickshaw-Wallah: "Hello Sir! [I know I have just seen three other people ask you this, but] Do you like a rickshaw? I give you good price! [And by good I mean at least three times what I will instantly drop to as you walk away.] Hello, Sir!"

Holy Cow: "I think I'm gonna go stand in the traffic and stare motionlessly for a few hours, then maybe I'll go take a shit outside a restaurant."


I can't wait to eat that Monkey.


Sheltered Middle-Class Kid (ages 13-24): Questions in order of sequence to be asked:
1. What country are you coming from? ("Oh Ireland? Windmills Tulips Hashish yes.)
2. What is your name?
3. How long you are in India?
4. Do you like ?
5. Do you speak Hindi/? ("You do not speak Punjabi??")
6. Why is your skin so white?
7. Can I have my picture taken with you/your autograph?

Thus ends my bad-tempered exorcism of general annoyance with the country for the time being.